


All I Ask

by tacoturtle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Other, Yikes, an OC too i guess, my poor owl child why do i hurt him so, one sided bokuaka, rip i literally just found out that was a tag, someone needs to teach me how to tag omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 08:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6897355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tacoturtle/pseuds/tacoturtle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akaashi's eyes were wide, and he was frozen in place. Did Bokuto just tell him....</p>
<p>"So you're.....studying abroad?" Akaashi asked, and Bokuto averted his gaze. "B-but......"</p>
<p>"Akaashi," Bokuto started gently, "It's been my dream, you of all people should know that..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Ask

**Author's Note:**

> songfic based on Adele's All I Ask

"Akaashi!!! You'll never believe it!!" Bokuto's voice rang out through the empty house, and Akaashi turned his head just in time to see Bokuto fling his bedroom door open, the hinges squeaking in protest at the sheer force of Bokuto's action.

Akaashi sighed. "Yes, Bokuto-san?" He didn't know why Bokuto insisted on letting himself into Akaashi's house, but Akaashi was far too used to Bokuto's antics to be bothered about it now.

"Well you know how I'm graduating tomorrow?" _Ouch_. That was something Akaashi had just about moved to the back of his mind. And Bokuto said it with such excitement, as if he was just leaving for a family trip or a visit to his grandparents' house and not rubbing salt into Akaashi's emotional wound.

"Yes." Akaashi said calmly, although his mind was a mess trying to comprehend why Bokuto was bringing this up now when he knew that it was a touchy subject for the both of them.

"Well, this really huge school just offered me a full-on sports scholarship!! Like, the whole shebang!!" Bokuto's eyes lit up with excitement as he told Akaashi the news. "Apparently they saw one of our games and got word that I was graduating soon, and totally wanted me on their school's team!" Bokuto puffed his chest out, obviously proud about this turn of events.

"That's great, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said with a smile, turning to fully face Bokuto. "Is that all?" Akaashi knew Bokuto wouldn't have come all the way here to just tell him that.

He got his answer when Bokuto's smile fell, his own going along with it. Bokuto's eyes were downcast, trying to avoid Akaashi's curious gaze. He mumbled something incoherent, and Akaashi leaned slightly out of his chair to urge Bokuto to continue.

"Bokuto-san?" Akaashi said anxiously. He was getting nervous. What was with Bokuto's sudden mood change?

"Well, you see...." Bokuto started, acting as if whatever he wanted to say was physically stuck in his throat, "The school that wanted me....is in the U.S....." He trailed off softly, finally looking up to see how Akaashi would react to the news.

Akaashi's eyes were wide, and he was frozen in place. _Did Bokuto just tell him...._

"So you're.....studying abroad?" Akaashi asked, and Bokuto averted his gaze. "B-but......"

"Akaashi," Bokuto started gently, "It's been my dream, you of all people should know that..."

"But you can't just leave!" Akaashi slammed his hands onto his lap as the shock faded away and anger took its place. Bokuto's head shot up in surprise when Akaashi raised his voice, his own raising in volume as well.

"Of course this is hard for me too Akaashi, but its everything I've ever wanted! Why are you getting mad!?" Bokuto said, looking at Akaashi desperately.

"Because you can't just leave me here!" Akaashi said, standing up from his chair. He almost never let his emotions control his actions, but the thought of Bokuto just up and leaving him made his stomach churn.

"Why!?" Bokuto stood up straight, his hands balled into fists at his sides. Why was Akaashi acting like this? It's not like he was leaving forever! Of course he'd visit whenever he could!

"Because I love you!" Akaashi blurted without thinking, his expression morphing from one of anger to horror. He looked up at Bokuto to see Bokuto's eyes have widened considerably, and Akaashi took a step back. No. Nonon _onono_. This was not happening.

"Thi-This wasn't-" Akaashi sputtered, "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have sai-"

"Akaashi." Bokuto said, and Akaashi flinched at the tone of his voice. Bokuto took a step forward, the expression on his face unreadable. He moved until he was right in front of Akaashi, Akaashi shaking when Bokuto took his hand into his.

"Is.....Is that how you really feel?" Bokuto asked softly, entwining their fingers together.

Akaashi took a shaky breath, lifting his gaze to meet Bokuto's. He still couldn't see what Bokuto was feeling, for once, and simply nodded his head in agreement. Bokuto took a deep breath and let go of Akaashi's hand slowly, backing away from him.

Akaashi felt his heart drop into his stomach. Fuck. _No_. This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to tell Bokuto that. Then again, Bokuto wasn't supposed to leave him until Akaashi graduated high school himself, but sometimes life just loved to fuck everything up.

"I'm sorry....." Bokuto said, staring at Akaashi with a sadness in his eyes that was more hurtful than anything Akaashi had ever experienced.

Akaashi was openly crying now, shaking visibly as he tried to hold onto any sort of composure he might have left. He fucked up. He fucked up big time, and nothing he could do would ever change that.

"I-I know...." Akaashi sniffled, trying to frantically rub the tears away, "That's w-why I didn't want to tell you..." He wanted to live out his dream of being Bokuto's one and only, even if it wouldn't last forever. He knew that Bokuto would never feel the same way. He knew that. And that's why he held on. He had the silly hope that maybe, just maybe, Bokuto could return his feelings. Akaashi was there for him after all the breakups Bokuto went through. He was there to cheer him up, to keep him from slipping away into the darkness of his own thoughts. Akaashi was his anchor, his one tie to the harsh reality of the world, the one person to stick by him even after Bokuto thought he would leave. But seeing the look on his face now, the utter guilt and pity that was etched into Bokuto's golden eyes that were made for happiness, he saw his hopes shatter right before him. His hopes, along with the treasured friendship of the one he loved most.

The thought of Bokuto leaving him on terms like this made the tears fall faster. The one time it mattered, he couldn't keep emotions in check. _How pathetic_. Although he probably deserved it, he knew he shouldn't have gotten attached, and yet everything Bokuto did drew him closer. His laugh, the childish glee in his eyes, the side of Bokuto that only Akaashi got to see. He wasn't worthy of Bokuto's romantic feelings, let alone platonic. He didn-

His thoughts came to a halt as strong arms wrapped around him and his face was pressed against Bokuto's chest.

"It's okay," Bokuto whispered into his ear, and Akaashi shivered at the proximity of the two of them. He tentatively wrapped his arms around Bokuto's waist, and Bokuto tightened his hold. Akaashi pressed his face into Bokuto's chest, letting his tears soak Bokuto's clothing.

"Please.....don't leave....." Akaashi said shakily, his voice muffled by Bokuto's shirt.

"Akaashi, you know I-" Bokuto cut himself off when he felt Akaashi shake his head, and he looked down at Akaashi's face. There were tear streaks running down his cheeks, and he sniffled as he looked Bokuto in the eyes.

Bokuto was entranced, frozen in place as he stared right back at Akaashi. There was so much raw emotion, so much to say but no words to explain. Bokuto had never seen Akaashi like this before.

"Please, just...." Akaashi started, tears forming in his eyes once again, "Just hold me, okay? That's all I ask. Just for tonight, at least. Please."

"Okay," Bokuto replied softly, leading Akaashi to his bed and laying down, wrapping his arms around Akaashi's middle. Akaashi turned so that he was facing Bokuto's chest and wrapped his arms around him once again. He was being selfish, he knew. He should push Bokuto away. Tell him to stop. Do something to prevent this. But the minute Bokuto relaxed against him, Akaashi knew it was too late. Might as well enjoy it while it lasted, right?

Akaashi might have been imagining it, what with sleep overtaking the both of them, but he swore he felt Bokuto's lips graze the top of his head, almost like an apology of some sorts.

And that was how they spent Bokuto's last day of his high school life, huddled together in their own ball of emotions, waiting for when they would eventually have to part in the morning.

~

Akaashi didn't bother going to Bokuto's graduation ceremony the next day. He knew how awkward it would have been if he went, and he honestly didn't know if Bokuto wanted to see him at all after what happened just the day before. He heard from his teammates that Bokuto had accepted the offer to study abroad, and Akaashi silently congratulated him.  Of course he was proud of Bokuto. What happened didn't change his feelings at all, if anything it made him fall even harder. So it's good if they have some distance right now, even if it hurts Akaashi more than it should.

~

Bokuto visits. _A lot_. More than he should, actually. Plane tickets costs money, why didn't he see that? He was visiting from the U.S., for god's sake. And yet whenever he visits, he's always asking for Akaashi.

'How's Akaashi doing?' 'Where's Akaashi?' 'Is Akaashi coming?' It was driving Akaashi insane. Of course he still loved Bokuto. Of course he wanted to see Bokuto just as much as Bokuto wanted to see him. But every time someone contacted him saying Bokuto was visiting, he just couldn't bring himself to go out and actually see him. He felt that, if he were to see Bokuto after everything, he'd either have a breakdown or just make everything awkward. Or both.

_'You know that's not the reason'_ , a voice in the back of his mind keeps telling him. _'You just don't want to see him and be reminded of everything you can't have'._

He's always pushing that voice to the back of his mind, trying his best to keep it at bay. But on those nights where the thoughts build up, he lets them loose like the dam holding his mind together crumbled from the weight of his own actions.

So Akaashi avoided him all throughout his last year of highschool. Bokuto even went to the volleyball practices sometimes, and Yukie ( _'bless her soul'_ ,  Akaashi thought), would warn Akaashi when he was to show up. She didn't know the reason why Akaashi was avoiding Bokuto and yet agreed to alarm him whenever he was around, and for that he was grateful.

Although he knew that he couldn't avoid Bokuto forever. And that statement only proved to be true on Akaashi's very own graduation day when, right in the middle of the ceremony, as he faced the crowd with his certificate and a fake smile, Akaashi saw him. He didn't know how, but his eyes immediately found the absurd black and white hair Bokuto always adorned and he felt his knees go weak. Bokuto was staring right at him, almost accusingly, and Akaashi felt immense guilt pool in the pit of his stomach at the thought that Bokuto had come to his graduation ceremony even when Akaashi blew him off and never went to his. Akaashi swallowed hard as he avoided making eye contact with Bokuto. He looked over at the seat next to Bokuto, expecting one of his family members, but what he saw made his eyes grow wide. It was a woman, ( _American_ , Akaashi figured out immediately), and Bokuto had his arms around her. She was smiling brightly up at Akaashi, but Akaashi could only focus on how she was snuggled up to Bokuto, her head on his shoulder as Bokuto pulled her close. His legs felt as if they were about to give out and, knowing better than to make a scene onstage in front of a huge crowd, he shakily moved back to his seat as other names were called out.

His mind was racing a mile a minute. His teammates never mentioned anything about Bokuto getting into a relationship. It was pretty personal, sure, but knowing Bokuto, he would've bragged about her nonstop to anyone that would listen. And yet Akaashi never knew.

_'You're an idiot'_ , Akaashi told himself, _'You actually thought that he loved you? He told you his answer that night, and you still held onto false hope. How pitiful'._

Akaashi urged the voice in his mind to quiet down, at least until the ceremony was over. He'd let loose all the emotions he couldn't in public in the comfort and safety of his room. With that thought in mind, he pushed through the ceremony, not once looking at Bokuto again.

"Finally," Akaashi sighed as he walked out of the auditorium. The ceremony had just ended, Akaashi having rushed out the doors the minute he was allowed to leave. He hadn't seen Bokuto or the woman at all since he was on stage, and relief flooded through his body as he walked farther and farther away from the building, hoping he wouldn't run into either of them.

"Akaashi!!" Fuck. Just his luck. How did Bokuto find him so quickly?

Akaashi turned around slowly, sighing as he knew what was about to come. "Hello, Bokuto-s-"

He wasn't able to finish his greeting as Bokuto had just pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, the wind leaving Akaashi's lungs as Bokuto held him tighter.

"God, I'm so old now!! How've you been!? Are you okay!? Akaashi, I missed you!!" Bokuto said dramatically, and Akaashi sighed again. How did he not anticipate the hug?

"I missed you too, Bokuto-san." Akaashi said softly, bringing his arms up and around Bokuto's back. Bokuto pulled back from the hug after a little while, smiling wide at Akaashi.

Akaashi felt a pang in his heart seeing Bokuto's radiant smile,  and he tried to match Bokuto's cheeriness with a fake smile of his own.

"Oh, Akaashi! There's someone I want you to meet!!" Bokuto said as his arms left Akaashi.

Akaashi flinched when Bokuto turned around. Fuck. He wasn't ready. He knows what's coming. He really doesn't want to do this. He just wants to go home-

"This is Jess," Bokuto said, gesturing to the woman had just clung his arm, "We met during my first few months in the U.S."  Said woman let go and walked over to Akaashi, pulling him into a hug of her own.

"Hi, Akaashi!!" She said with accented Japanese, pulling back from the hug a little bit to look Akaashi over. "Koutarou has told me so much about you!"

Akaashi felt his eye twitch. How long have they been together to be on a first-name basis? _'No'_ , Akaashi thought, trying to smile at her. He really didn't want to know the details. All he wanted to do was go home and sleep. Preferably forever.

"Hello," Akaashi said politely, trying to avoid eye contact as much as he could.

"Shy one, isn't he?" She chuckled, pulling away completely and moving to stand close to Bokuto.

"It was very nice to meet you, Jess-san," Akaashi started, looking over at the woman, "And it was very good to see you again, Bokuto-san, but I'm very tired and I need to go home now. Goodbye." Akaashi said, giving Bokuto one last glance before turning and practically sprinting away from the two. He thought he heard Bokuto call out to him, but he didn't slow down nor did he look back to see. He just wanted to be away from them.

Akaashi closed the door to his house, sliding down slowly until he was sitting right in front of it. He brought his legs up and hugged his knees to his chest, replaying the past few hours in his mind. He let his head fall into his arms as the tears started to flow, hunching over as sobs wracked his body. He was overwhelmed. Too many things happened for him to try and handle it all by himself. And yet he did so anyway. He cried until the tears stopped flowing, leaving Akaashi to stare at the wall blankly with an empty feeling in his heart.

He got up from the entrance and walked up the stairs all the way to his room, immediately falling onto his bed and hugging one of his pillows to his chest. He didn't bother changing out of his clothes, too exhausted to do anything but let sleep take him away. Hopefully he'd be happy in his dreams.

A flash of golden eyes and a joyful smile was the only thing to cross Akaashi's mind before he dozed off, finally letting his exhaustion take over.

**Author's Note:**

> *tranfers all the fics from my wattpad to AO3*
> 
> this was like REALLY all over the place and idk i didnt think it would be as good ┐(Wヮ￣)┌  
> but yes, feedback is still greatly appreciated!! thank you!!


End file.
